Thursday, September 19, 2013

In With The New, Out With The Familiar...

Hello, hola, bonjour, Guten Tag, buonguiorno!

There are so many ways to say hello to you all and only one way to say I’m baaaaackkkk (I am sure you could translate that but I am sticking to English for now). 

I tweeted 2 agenda items for myself last week: 1) I was hoping to get a post up and 2) I am hoping to get back to #runchat (although now that it’s at 10pm I don’t know if I can make it…#sleeptweeting)

……so as promised here I am…..back in the blogosphere…...emerging out of my chaotic crazy cocoon like a chaotic crazy beautiful butterfly (cue the sound of a butterfly flapping her wings). 

So as you may have guessed it: the blogosphere, facebookverse and twitterverse were put on the back burner …..why? You may be asking………...so……….…LET’S CATCH UP!!!!!!

1.   I got a new job (in a new state)
2.   I packed up my life in NY
3.  I raced the NYC Tri
4. I moved to Boston
5.  I started said new job
6.  All whilst training for my first half Ironman and living on half of my belongings the other of which are in storage….

“Whoa Nelly”- - is my thought as I am writing

So now I find myself in Boston…at a new school and almost in a new apartment (10/1).  It has been a really REALLY long transition.  It started with a possibility and then it became a very real and concrete embarking of a journey….a journey that would uproot everything…

This blog started because of the journey that I was on at the time…losing the weight…and that journey has ignited so many other paths … it is remarkable looking back now and seeing how one choice could fuel so many other possibilities.

So now I am here and …… I am trying to find my bearings.  What I didn’t consciously comprehend at the time was that I was scattering ALL normalcy, routine, familiarity into the wind…literally all of those pieces of my life strewn about on a blustery day as I drove away from 4202 Oneida in my rented Uhaul. 

Now I knew getting into this that I had K and C in my corner and I have all of their friends that are MY friends as well….and in this aspect I am extremely lucky because I would be lost without the lot of them.

But in retrospect (once work started retrospect hit REAL hard) I gave up the comfy safe surroundings of a world that I knew like the back of my hand for surroundings that were entirely new and alien.  I left my safe planet for an entirely new universe.  The adventure of it all has been fun, but I do miss my friends, and the familiarity of it all.  Last week I sat on the phone with my mom in hysterics because I just miss knowing something without having to ask 109,898,654 questions…..literally I write things down and then go back to the notes and have no idea what any of it means….but I am not proud enough to not ask the questions because at the end of the day I WANT to know and I WANT, one day, to not have to ask or to be the one with the answers….but for now I have settled into the asking stupid questions phase. 

I am also very lucky because everyone at my new school has been super welcoming (they don’t seem to mind the 789,987,234 questions…but who knows) and I really am starting to find a rhythm.   It’s different than 49 (whole different universe different) but I am enjoying the climate and populace which has made me realize that not once have I regretted the decision...great news!

BUT…I miss MY people, my climate, my populace.  I am adjusting and over time it gets easier but it makes me sad to think about 49 and my teacher friends…and it makes me sad to each lunch without my normal “lunch group”…the sadness did/doesn’t surprise me because I have always been one to be bad at goodbyes and change.  But this is where I have run into that lump in the throat/pit in the stomach feeling….thinking about the way things were and how very very different they are now.  I miss my Shake Shack dates and Broadway plays and all the little fun things.  I miss Teaghan and every time I see a picture I think “I am missing everything”…but I keep reminding myself that it will get better and better here and it will hurt less and less as I acclimate more.

Ok so I did not write this to be a drag and moan about all the things that make me sad….NO I actually wanted to write because of the OPPOSITE!

So Saturday I volunteered to help out L with Autism Speaks bib pick up for the Allstate 13.1 series.  I sat in a booth and handed out shirts and hats and bibs and bags…and as I did that I got to talking with most of the racers- - some were new to the AS team, others were repeat offenders.  People kept saying to me: OMG I know you, I follow you on twitter and read your blog…not just one person but a good few said this over the course of my volunteerism.  I was shocked………

The next day: Sunday, I actually ran the 13.1 race (not a bad time, felt really good, and had no GI issues) and as I was running people kept cheering: GO BETH! YEA BETH! And I was like how do people know me??!?!?!?! Then it clicked and I had an epiphany mid-run:  I am actually a part of this amazing family that is Autism Speaks…AND better yet: that family TRAVELED with me from NY to Boston!

On Sunday, for the first time since I moved up to Boston, I actually felt like I belonged…I didn’t have K to be the linking element, I was on my own and in my element and I felt the familiarity that I have been missing so incredibly much.

Lounging on the couch (with occasional stretching and rolling) Sunday afternoon gave me ample time to reflect on that wonderful wonderful feeling of familiarity.  It is something that I took for granted…something that I willingly gave up without even thinking I would miss it…and it turns out to be the thing that I miss the most.

I have made it very clear in all my blogging that I don’t ever want to derail the journey…whether it be the weight loss, the current or any others that I am slated to take in this life…it is hard to always stay on course but that is part of it.  So in all honesty the tracking and staying at goal (weight wise) has gone off the rails and taken to the back burner…does this mean I have completely gone off track and gained all the weight back? HECK no fool!  THAT will NEVER happen but I did leave behind my WW family in NY and need to find a new WW home near my actual home, which is on the list.

So as you can see I still have some stuff to work on here, and as I have learned that will never change…there is always going to be something that I can be working on or improving. 

The long and short of it:

By saying “yes” to an awesome opportunity I set out to uproot myself from my familiar life and delve into one that I am not 100% (or even 75%) comfortable with…YET.  I had an idea about what moving would feel like but I had no idea what it actually would be like.  I am fully 100% committed to my decision and I don’t regret it for a minute.  I do miss New York and my friends and my Tbot and my familiarity BUT moving has made me realize just how much I have in my life and how lucky I am.  I took my familiarity for granted but I also took my time with friends and New York for granted…being away is hard but now going to visit is just so exciting. I also am ok with my decision because I know it is only going to get better here and at one point in NY I felt the same exact way…new school, no answers, no clue, no friends, nada…but that changed and became awesome and this will too!

I am really excited about this new journey and I am proud of myself for being brave enough to say yes.  It was so so SO worth it and I look forward to discovering what else is ahead for me!

I just want to say thank you to my friends and family because they have backed me up every step of the way.  They have lent me their helping hands and words of encouragement…they have let me cry and have told me it’s gonna be ok…they have lent me their basements and parking spots…they have given me spectacular spectacular news that makes my move to Boston even MORE exciting and worthwhile.  So thank you from the bottom of my heart for just being completely awesome from late April up until this very second (before April too but you need special applause for the past few months!)

Lastly…yes this is it for now…you know you missed my loooong a$$ posts : ) …… I want to thank my Autism Speaks family for providing my very first moment of familiarity and clarity as a Bostontonian….if you were someone shouting my name or high fiving me Sunday you helped me remember what it feels like to be me!  I am so lucky to be a part of this wonderfully powerfully supportive family…so lucky. 

I leave you now with these thoughts:  








Be brave, be friendly, be familiar ;)
B